


Left to Your Own Devices

by ashkatom



Series: 100 Post Ficathon [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashkatom/pseuds/ashkatom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Suf gets way too curious about gills, and thus embarrasses everyone in a 100 metre radius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left to Your Own Devices

You are Karcin Signum, Lord of This Shitty Rock and All That Dwell Upon It, Signless and Sufferer, and That One Guy Who Really Sucks At Talking To People If He’s Not Preaching To Them, Jegus, What Is Even Wrong With You. It wouldn’t be a problem if you and your non-conversational companion weren’t the only two people within several hundred kilometres of each other, but no.

“So…” you venture.

Dualscar taps a finger on the tablecloth, scrunching it a little. “So…”

You give up. “I think I’m gonna. Go read. Or something.”

“Yeah, I shoald probably go for a swwim or somefin.”

You part ways and try to not look each other in the eye. Awkward.

\--

\-- candidGovernance [CG] has started trolling twofoldAbolItionist [TA] --  
CG: PSI.  
CG: HOW DO YOU TALK TO PEOPLE.  
CG: HOW.  
TA: ii open my mouth and word2 come out  
TA: why  
CG: BECAUSE WHEN I OPEN MY MOUTH ALL THAT COMES OUT IS THE FULL FORCE OF MY STUPIDITY LOBE, WORKING IN CONCERT WITH MY AWKWARD MUMBLE GLAND.  
CG: WAS THERE A SMALL TALK MODULE IN SCHOOLFEEDING THAT I SLEPT THROUGH OR AM I JUST COMPLETELY DEFECTIVE?  
TA: completely defectiive  
TA: 2orry 2f ii have two go be 2ociial now  
TA: catch you later iif you haven’t diied of a malfunctiioniing 2ociiabiiliity 2ector iin your thiink2lo2h  
TA: <>  
\-- twofoldAbolitionist [TA] has ceased trolling candidGovernance [CG] --  
CG: FUCK YOUR DIAMOND.  
CG: I HOPE YOUR SOCIABILITY GIVES YOU SYPHILIS.  
CG: <>

\--

Dualscar cooks, because the last time you tried several things caught fire and one of them was Dualscar’s cape. This time, determined to say something other than ‘So…’, you join him in the nutrition block and watch him.

He eyes you warily. “Y’knoww, I don’t reely need any help…”

You snort. “Good, because I wasn’t going to after last time. Just thought you might like some company.”

“Oh.” He relaxes and goes back to chopping up a bunch of vegetables. You know your eating habits are inconvenient to cook around, but Dualscar doesn’t seem to mind going without meat. He’s a collection of oddities, really. From the way Rosa talked about seatrolls, you half expected Dualscar to stab you and then eat you raw. Instead you got a hivemate who cooks well, is a clothes snob, and only eyes you up like meat if he hasn’t slept in sopor in the past couple of nights.

You are Karcin Signum, Lord of All On This Rock blah blah and That One Guy Who Spends Way Too Much Time Watching His Hivemate Like A Total Creeper.

You’re not sure if that’s better than sucking at small talk or not. After a moment’s deliberation, you decide that you can be both The Worst at Small Talk and The Total Creeper. Well done, Karcin! Life goal achieved!

Dualscar holds out a fork. “Taste this.”

“What?” You recoil a bit from the fork. When did it get all up in your personal space? You did not approve this. “Are you doing fancy shit again? I keep telling you, that’s gro-ffff!”

He rolls his eyes and shoves the fork in your mouth while you’re talking. “Just eat it, guppy.”

You growl, tug the whatever-it-is off the fork with your teeth, and chew, with the intention of telling him where he can shove his fork next time. Unfortunately for your intentions, he is a very good cook. Apparently seadwellers have a lot of free time on their hands in between treading on the downtrodden.

You swallow. “Fuck you.”

“I didn’t fin it wwas that good, but if you must…” He dumps the rest of the vegetables into the pot as you gape at him. “Wwait until the food’s done, though.”

You fold your arms. “I’ll set your cape on fire again.”

“ _Cod_ no, I’m still naut shore howw you did that the first time, the hivve might naut livve through another fire.” He begins stacking dirty dishes into the dish-cleaner, and you hop off the counter you perched on to hand him dishes. You’re pretty sure dishes weren’t an issue for seadwellers, since he seems to treat the cleaning of them as a novelty. You’re more than happy to let him do the grunt work if it means you don’t have to. “Anywwavve.”

You’re determined to not fall back into the depths of Awkward Chasm. “I guess everyone will be back in a couple of days.”

Dualscar laughs, his face fins twitching slightly. “Farewwhale, peaceful mealtides.”

“Goodbye, having hot water for ablutions,” you agree, in a slightly gloomy tone.

“Wwe’ll miss you, naut hearin’ evveryone glub through the wwalls.”

You pull a face. “Don’t let me see you around here again, kismesis arguments spilling into every block.”

Dualscar pulls one in return. “Bluh, Con’s goin’ ta get mustardblood in the wwater again.”

You hand him the last dish. “Things I did not need to know about my moirail, number three hundred and fourteen. I vote we ban them all and start a hostile takeover of this bubble. They can have a different one.”

“Halibut then wwe’d miss out on Spin’s drunk singing.”

You shudder. “I don’t think anyone missed that. I think it echoed throughout paradox space, and for a brief moment, every being felt a little like gouging out their eardrums and throwing up.”

After a few more minutes, you retreat before it gets awkward again.

Dinner is delicious. Dualscar is unbearably smug about it.

\--

The next day, you get hungry, and decide to seek Dualscar’s permission before you devour all the leftovers. Well, you’d devour them anyway, but if you ask first at least you’ll know how rude you’re being.

He’s in the saltwater pools, like he usually is, just floating. His cape and armour are piled by the edge of the largest pool, and you step around them carefully because knowing you, you’d knock them in. He doesn’t notice you. Hell, he’s probably asleep. You think he can do that, sleep in water.

You haven’t had much chance to observe seadwellers in their natural habitat.

At first you think he’s not breathing, but then you see his gills, purple lining barely showing as they open and close. It’s a little weird, but a bit cool as well. And, you’re not going to deny it, you want to poke one and see what happens.

You pull off your cloak, kick off your shoes, and wade into the water. Luckily he’s in the shallows of the pool, because you couldn’t swim if there was a toothbeast chasing you.

He opens his eyes when he feels the ripples from your entrance wash over his chest, and has to squint a little to focus on you. “Surf? Wwhat’s happenin’?”

“I was gonna ask about leftovers, but then I realised that I’d never seen a seadweller in action before.”

He tinges faintly purple and stands up. “I wwasn’t doin’ anyfin. Just dreamin’.”

“Yeah, but… gills.” You reach out and prod one gently, only to snatch your hand back at his gasp. “Shit! Sorry! Did I hurt you?”

Dualscar is more purple than you thought a troll could get. “They’re sensitivve, fucknubs, cod! I don’t go around groping at your horns!”

“…Oh,” you say, lamely. You are now also King of Assaulting People Accidentally Oh My Gog Seriously Just Lock Yourself In Your Respiteblock and Never Come Out. “I am so sorry,” you say, but it doesn’t seem like enough. “Really,” you add. “That was stupid of me.”

“Shale, you deservve a medal for that much stupidity,” Dualscar adds, helpfully. “Isle forget it as long as you promise ta naut try gropin’ at Con ta get your seadwweller kicks.”

You turn as red as he was purple. “I don’t have a seadweller thing! You’re just the first one I’ve met that hasn’t tried to rip my face off!”

He folds his arms. “An’ you’re the first mutantblood I’vve sean whose crazed ramblin’s make any sense atoll. Doesean’t mean I’vve tried ta rip your cloak off an’ have my wwavve wwith you.”

You squeak indignantly, then cover your mouth. Fuck, he’s grinning, you sounded like a scared shellbeast. You are not a scared shellbeast, you are definitely Cool With Talking To Orphaner Dualscar About Things of a Pailing Nature _How Did This Happen What Is Even Your Life_.

“I just didn’t know! Okay?” You cross your arms. “If they’re so sensitive, how do you wear shirts?”

“They’re fin, as long as uninformed lowwbloods don’t go pokin’ at ‘em.” He reaches out and grabs one of your hands before you can take offense to the lowblood remark, and lays it flat along the gill. “There. Sea? Perfectly fin.”

“It tickles,” you say, as it flutters against your palm.

“Wwhat did you expect it ta do, tapdance?” He pulls your hand away. “Lowwbloods, reely.”

“Anyway,” you say, trying very hard to pretend nothing strange happened. “Leftovers?”

“I fin I can alloww your thievvery this tide.” Dualscar climbs out of the water and pulls on a shirt, but doesn’t bother with the armour or cape. “Halibut you owwe me.”

You smirk as you follow him out. “I’ll cook you something.”

“Char ain’t as appetisean’ as you fin it is, Surf.”

\--

By the time your fellow bubblemates make it back, you are Karcin Signum, Master of Small Talk, Suck It World. Psi proposes you add Fishfucker to your list of titles and you hit him.

Clearly you need the Master of Deep and Meaningful Personal Conversation title first.


End file.
